Four Ways To Skip WODs Without Anyone Noticing

May 20, 2016

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Sometimes you’ve been going so hard at the box that your body is begging for a de-load day…or week.  It’s not antithetical to your bigger picture fitness goals to take time to cool down all that inflammation that will ultimately lead to gains.  But let’s face it: if you weren’t just a little type A, you wouldn’t be regularly throwing down CrossFit WODs.  Here are some ways to keep CrossFit on your to-do list and maintain your well-cultivated image as a beast (while slowing your roll all the same).

Coach Me If You Can.  Dress up like your favorite CrossFit coach in your gym’s signature tee and post-post-Movember facial hair and strut around giving corrections while eating hot homemade food out of a plastic baggie like mine does.  They say to truly master any material you have to teach it, so why not cheerfully jostle a cup of coffee in one hand while pointing with the other for your classmates to squat lower?  Obviously take control of the remote to the wall clock before anyone can call you out on not actually being the real coach.

Voiceover WOD.  Most of the time we’re each so busy pushing ourselves that we don’t even have time to check out what our gym buddies are doing.  Which means as long as they hear you, they won’t notice your absence.  Find one of those sweet 225 pound giant tires we all love to flip like it’s NBD, crawl inside it, and enact the entire vocal chorus you’d make for each beat of the workout.  Extra points for getting props, sight unseen, from someone actually exerting themselves. 

Water Sports.  We’re nothing as athletes without proper hydration, so why not make a drinking game out of what’s on the white board?  Pull-ups: gulp.  Push-ups: sip.  Double unders: two straws.  What to do if someone calls you out on missing all the movements?  Warn them that the unknown and the unknowable might include the esophagus.  Keep it lubed, folks! 

Optional: substitute nature’s purest elixir for something a little more sugary, blended, and topped with whipped cream.  While AMRAPs remove calories, AMFRAPPÉS are the gift that keeps on giving.  Wear this tank to celebrate all that circulating leptin.


One Rep Max.  Convince everyone around you that this is your peak WOD by filling your barbell with plates, snagging a much heavier kettlebell, and/or strapping the parking lot pit bulls to your chest like a set of well-loved triplets.  Rounds, EMOM, named workout?  No matter.  You will be challenging yourself by aiming for your one rep max: as in the maximum total number of reps you will be doing is one. That PR is going to need a donut.

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Today’s guest post is brought to you by Audrey Dundee Hannah, who produces, writes, and stars in comedy web series “Helen & Grace,” about two women who love CrossFit but just don’t want to work out that hard.  Check them out and subscribe at  For more about Audrey, go to


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Ian Sturgeon
Ian Sturgeon