1. You're probably better looking than me.
Sure...this doesn't sound like a sensible argument, but keep in mind that these are all reasons why YOU shouldn't try CrossFit routines.
CrossFit routines have allowed me to discover muscles on my body that I literally never knew existed, and I'd be lying if I told you it wasn't the best thing I've ever done for myself aesthetically.
Granted, in CrossFit, we don't care about what our bodies look like as long as they perform well, but it's worth noting that these CrossFit routines have moved me from FAR BELOW average....to SLIGHTLY below average, and I'm enjoying it here near the middle of the bell curve.
If you (and everyone else) start doing CrossFit routines, you’ll collectively raise the bar again, and I'll be back at the shallow end watching you guys high five each other and complement each other's 6-pack abs.
2. You'll probably be really good at it.
I've been working on things like muscle-ups, and handstand push-ups for over 4 years now, and I'm just BARELY getting the hang of them.
You're probably one of those people who will bruise my ego by walking in off the street, and saying... "oh, you mean like this?" ...before completely destroying a benchmark WOD... Which brings me to my next point.
3. You'll dilute the honor of knowing a secret language.
CrossFitters can say things like "WOD" in a sentence, and immediately become friends with other CrossFitters.
As CrossFitters we can easily decipher cryptic markings like this...
20 min AMRAP
10 SDHP 95/65
10 OHS 95/65
...and then talk fluently about how miserable/fun it all was for hours upon end at the next cocktail party.
In the same way secret handshakes aren't as cool if they're common knowledge, it won't be nearly as fun when everyone speaks CrossFit.
4. You'll have more confidence.
Going through a CrossFit workout gives you a sense of accomplishment that will leave you feeling invincible for the rest of the day.
This is a problem, as I currently have a leg up on the rest of the world.
The more people do CrossFit, The more other people will be walking around with THEIR version of MY super power.
Pretty soon people will be striving, competing, and kicking keyster all over the place.
Let me be clear. Kicking keyster is MY job...please stay on your couch.
5. You'll look crazy to the rest of the world...
You'll start eating healthy food...You'll start wondering if you can pick up random heavy objects, and occasionally trying it...You'll become infatuated with mastering skills you previously didn't even know existed...You'll do wacky exercises in public places to keep from skipping a workout. Trust me here. To the average person, CrossFitter = Weirdo.
People will say things like: "that super-fit person with tons of confidence, and a healthy glow occasionally says or does something weird." Please don't let this happen to you.
So there you have it. You've been warned, but if I can't talk you out of bruising my ego, and sharing my treasure, I suppose I'll have a high five waiting for you when you show up. Who knows, I may need you to do 90% of my handstand push-ups in a partner WOD someday :)
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P.S. If you decide to try CrossFit routines, you'll eventually want your own jump rope. There are lots of options out there, but we'll have TWO high fives for you if you show up with a mix and match speed rope from Double Under Wonder :)
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