Photo disclaimer: This is not actually a picture of me, but we can all dream right? #bicepgoals
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Mat Fraser won the CrossFit games by the widest margin in history this year, and while I know I could NEVER come anywhere close to competing with him in any event that includes a barbell...the ex-distance runner in me wants to know how I would have stacked up against him in the 7k trail run that kicked off the 2016 CrossFit Games.
However, the course at the games looked pretty miserable, so if I'm honest, even on my best day, I'm not sure I would have been able to edge out Mat Fraser and all the other super-humans...so I started thinking....What other strengths could I capitalize on if I were to program the perfect WOD for myself?
I've boiled down my most advanced physical capabilities, and compiled a WOD that I would be absolutely unstoppable in...spoiler alert...It gets weird :)
I'll start by giving you some background on my strengths before we get to the actual WOD.
As mentioned above, running is my thing. I own a pair of shorty shorts. I could wallpaper my house with race bibs. I could clothe a small town in old 5k and 10k T-shirts. I have a list of favorite Steve Prefontaine quotes. Mat Fraser might not even know who Steve Prefontaine is, which decreases his running capacity by at least 20%.
2. Eating Mexican Food.
If you don't consider eating Mexican food an athletic endeavor, you obviously haven't seen me around a plate of tacos.
Plus, one of CrossFit's ten recognized general physical skills is flexibility, so I think increased stomach capacity is a legitimate, and overlooked marker of fitness.
My stomach has nearly 3 times the flexibility than that of an average human. I once gorged myself at an all-you-can-eat Mexican restaurant, and then topped it all off by devouring 11 sopapillas. I then took my kids to an indoor trampoline park.
Mat, you will not be able to hang with my Mexican food game. Quit now.
Hey, if Kelly Starrett can write a wildly popular book on mobility, I should be able to brag a little bit about my talent for recovery/napping...right?
I have 4 kids. This means I'm 90% asleep at any given moment, so when the opportunity presents itself, you'd better believe I can take a short nap while leaning on a shopping cart in the toy aisle at Walmart.
I can take a post-WOD nap almost as quickly as this guy...
So what does all this have to do with my challenge to Mat Fraser?
Well, I may not have been able to catch him in the 7k trail run at the games, but by adding some skills in some key areas, I'm 100% sure I could take him down in the following WOD...
Eat 1 Chipotle burrito
Run 2 miles
Eat 10 sopapillas
Run 2 miles
15 minutes of scientifically verified REM sleep
Run 2 miles
I may be slightly overstating (or understating) when I say that I would be the Usain Bolt of this event.
Some may say that this challenge is silly, and that it wouldn't prove anything. I say it's worth a shot since Micheal Jordan keeps refusing to take me up on a winner-takes-all game of checkers.
Mat, the gauntlet has been laid. Show us you've got the heart of a champion, and let's put our Running/Mexican food eating/napping skills to the test.
P.S. You are awesome, and I'm a huge fan.
P.P.S. Please don't lift me over your head and throw me if we ever meet.
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