Dear CrossFit,

March 01, 2017



We believe great double-unders start with a great speed rope.  That's why we went to work creating high end jump ropes with components that can be customized.

Our Jump ropes are super-fast, super-stylish, and they don't get lost in the crowd when you're in a group workout.  You'll always know which jump rope is yours, and having your own jump rope will take your double-under skills to new heights.

Just click the image below to design the perfect rope.  We know you'll be a Double Under Wonder in no time!

Above:  Our newest model Carissa performing "Victory Pose With A Barbell" in her AMGAP tank :)

Another hilarious guest post by Amanda Kolman...Enjoy!

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Dear CrossFit,


You seem to be doing fine on your own, but I thought I'd write anyway with a little re-branding advice. There are a number of exercises and WODs in your repertoire of nightmare-inducing workouts that might be a little more appealing if you changed their names. I present just a few here for your consideration:


Burpees


This is a no brainer. First of all, they begin with the word burp.  Not pleasant at all. Plus, in this morning's workout I noticed that the motion of a burpee actually feels like defeat. The throwing of oneself down on the floor makes it feel like the workout is over and it's nap time. This means that you will need an extra bit of mental energy to talk yourself into getting back up. I'm wondering if that could be accomplished by renaming these A PHEONIX RISING FROM THE ASHES. Sure, it's a little more cumbersome, but I think it's obviously a better choice than Burpee. Gross.


Annie, Grace, Elizabeth, Fran...and the like.


I am disappointed that you chose to name all of these horrible workouts after people I know. Now when I see those people all I can think is, "You suck!" 

Instead of trying to give them lady names, let's just call them what they are. Something like, HORRIBLE WOD #1, HORRIBLE WOD #2, and so on. Honesty is the best policy here.


Clean


This is just nonsensical.  There is nothing in this movement that even remotely resembles cleaning.  Besides, almost everyone hates to clean. If you prefer to be nonsensical, how about picking something more fun like, ROLLERCOASTER or PUPPY BREATH. At least then, we feel good for a second before we collapse on the floor, breathing so hard that we taste blood.


Snatch


This needs no explanation.  It's just wrong. How about VICTORY POSE WITH A BARBELL (pictured above). It's more self-explanatory this way...and less dirty.


Chipper


I get it. It's a workout where you chip away at massive amounts of exercises until you get it done. But, it seems a little cruel to call something chipper that is so hard. It doesn't make me feel chipper at all. Plus, chipper is a happy-go-lucky attitude and I really need to channel a more hard core approach when I walk through the door of my box. In fact, how about something reflecting that attitude like: TAKE A LOT OF FEROCIOUS BITES OUT OF THIS WOD.


The truth is, even if you called an exercise PUKERS we would probably all still be lined up outside the door of our box ready to get to it. We are obviously a bunch who care more about the muscle and the community we are building than we do about what crazy things people might think if they overhear us talking about Thrusters.


Whatever you decide, it seems that people will keep coming back for more. But, I think you can do better. I believe in you CrossFit.
 


Sincerely,
Always Sore in Cincinatti

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P.S. One exercise that is perfectly named...THE DOUBLE UNDER. It's fun AND it is accurate...just like the Double Under Wonder jump rope I purchased. Colorfully designed and perfectly sized for accuracy. Now there's a company who knows how to name things :)

 


 

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Amanda Kolman
Amanda Kolman

Author