Emotional Support Tire Banned

October 22, 2019

Authorities asked a confused and angry local woman to leave the play area of Forrest Glen Park last Saturday just 45 minutes into her two-hour WOD of Tire-Flips, Pullups, and pretending the ground is lava.

"I don't understand.  I've been able to take my Emotional Support Tire into theme parks, hotels, and restaurants, but as soon as some reckless kid suffers a non-lethal injury, tolerance goes out the window," said Rachel Dillon (pictured).

"People just don't realize how much panic I feel when I think about losing my booty-gainz," Rachel said.  "It's very comforting to know that I can get some exercise in if I'm stuck at home, travelling, or feeling guilty about eating cake at a wedding reception" Rachel continued. "Just having my Emotional Support Tire next to me is enough to calm me down most of the time."

Authorities are torn on the Emotional Support Tire issue, and tensions run high as the nation eyes the ensuing legal battle with obvious implications for the owners of Emotional Support Rowers and Service-Treadmills.




Also in News

8% Totally Crush Their New Year's Resolutions!

January 23, 2021

The reality is this: You have unlimited chances to double down on your resolve, and give your goals another shot whenever you want (including January).

Read More

Double Under Death Match: Shark vs. T-Rex
Double Under Death Match: Shark vs. T-Rex

September 22, 2020

Read More

How to Switch Out Your Jump Rope Cable

September 21, 2020

Read More