We've got some new people at our local CrossFit gym who have me reigning in, and taking notice of some of the fitness jargon I use when I'm not being a thoughtful.
Read below to test your knowledge of jargon, and imagine being a new person in this worst case scenario gym tour...
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"Hey, welcome to the box!
Let me show you around and explain a few things.
Basically, we perform constantly varied functional movement at high intensity in an effort to increase work capacity across broad time, and modal domains...Make sense?
Well, here, let me show you...You'll see the WOD on the whiteboard...
We've got a 17 minute Metcon in a Fight Gone Bad format, so you'll really be tapping into your glycolytic pathway as you cycle through 1 minute intervals of HSPUs, SDHP, Muscle Ups, Thrusters, and Single-arm-dumbbell-clean-and-jerks for max reps.
Before we get there though, we'll be doing a 7 min EMOM at 80% of your 1RM, so go ahead and get ready to warm up, and we'll talk about Snatches.
You won't be doing the workout as RX'd today, so don't be surprised if we keep you on PVC so we can make sure you're using a hook grip, achieving mid-line stabilization, and avoiding any core to extremity violations on your way to triple extension.
You'll need to sign a waiver, so go ahead and log into Wodify. This is where you'll keep track of all your PRs for Fran, Murph, Annie, Bear Complex, etc.
Also, nutrition is a huge part of this. Poor diet causes hyper insulinism, inflammation, and a whole host of chronic diseases and decrepitude, so let's take some time to talk later. We definitely need to get you started on Whole30, paleo, paleo-zone, zone, primal, keto, or some sort of macro-counting nutrition plan.
We're so glad you're here! Don't be nervous, and don't be embarrassed if you DNF. Our chief concern is that you don't go beast mode, meet Pukie, or visit Uncle Rhabdo on your first day. We'd hate for you to develop such a nasty case of DOMS that you don't come back.
Oh, right...WOD stands for Workout Of the Day. Looks like I got a bit ahead of myself."
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If you understood...
90% or more of this you are likely a CrossFit trainer, or absolute CrossFit junky who spends hours each week watching videos of strangers working out on the internet.
75% You're a regular attendee, and you speak fluent CrossFit.
50% - You're no beginner, but you still have a bit to learn...or you're that person who always needs to be reminded what a Clean and Jerk is even though you've been coming for 7 years.
25% - You're pretty new, but you've obviously caught the bug, or you wouldn't have read an entire article of acronyms you don't understand.
10% or less - You're likely just annoyed that you wasted 3 minutes of your life on some silly article.
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