Santa's 7 Essential Movements

December 08, 2017

Another guest post from the super-awesome Audrey Carson at FiercelyAudrey.com - Santa’s seven essential movements for the big night...

While Santa Claus may only work one night a year, it may as well be an ultra marathon with feats of strength thrown in. This one-man-show has to get around the globe with millions of presents all the while keeping eight magical livestock in line. Some major training has to happen for all these pieces to fall into place. Here are the seven holiday and fitness movements we’re pretty sure he throws into his regimen to prep for Christmas Eve night:

Sumo Deadlift High Pulls
   

Elves are great at what they do. But no one can deny that they’re somewhat vertically challenged. This leaves Santa to load most of the sleigh, and kids these days are asking for some heavy toys. Santa works throughout the year to get a good sumo stance and hip pop to load bowling balls, tricycles and, for those of you fitness-minded wish-listers, actual barbells, up and over the edge of the sleigh.


Battling Rope Waves   

How taxing could cracking the reins on a set of magical reindeer be? Multiply two good snaps by the number of households on planet earth (we’ll wait), and you might understand why Saint Nick had the elves weave a pair of battling ropes for training this year. Several sets of waves with 50 pounds of rope makes those light, leather reins feel like nothing. SNAP!


Sandbag Cleans

You should have seen Santa watching the final event of the CrossFit Games Regionals competition this year. The man was beside himself laughing at these “elite” athletes struggling to sling bags filled with sand over their shoulders. His eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry – you get the point. Listen, the man in red has been cleaning heavy, awkward bags since he landed the job. While that poem doesn’t say anything about “his hips, how violent, his elbows so snappy,” let’s just say he’s got this one down.


Weighted Ring Dips

Up on the housetop, reindeer pause, out jumps good old Santa Claus… and now is gravity just supposed to do the work? Santa likes to be steady and cautious with his work - after all, many presents are fragile and a running leap down a chimney could mean a very sad morning for many kids. Santa puts those pectorals and triceps to work –bag in tow– by slowly lowering himself into each chimney, ensuring all parcels and packages make it down safely. So, of course, some weighted ring dips are in order during the spring and summer months. We hear Mrs. Claus doesn’t mind.


Bear Crawls   

This classic holiday workout gets Saint Nick’s hammies, glutes and back prepped for crouching down and up under Christmas trees, the preferential present site for many cultures. But let’s hope he can lumber lighter than a bear in the middle of the night. This holiday workout movement is also helpful in the rare case of a rooftop slip - gotta get back to the sleigh somehow!


Strict Muscle-Ups   

They say he gets back up the chimney with “magic,” but seeing as how no one has caught him in the act, we can’t be sure if Santa himself is blessed with levitation powers or just the reindeer. Regardless, it’s not bad to have a backup plan in case the magic is suddenly gone. Once he shimmies up to the opening, there is nothing but a muscle-up that can get him up and out and onward. That’s a lot of muscle-ups by the end of the night. Anyone ever heard of leaving a key under the mat?


Double Unders

While Santa may not need to spin a rope during his big night, neither did Rocky. Speed rope conditioning is part of a solid holiday workout routine for a reason: it builds athleticism with a low risk of injury.  Let’s face it – the North Pole is covered in ice. Not exactly ideal running conditions. Plus, why would Santa risk an ankle injury for some extra endurance when he can simply whip out a rope and knock out some dubs in the reindeer barn at feeding time.

By throwing in double unders throughout the year, the big guy is conditioned to be “lively and quick” Christmas Eve night - plus he earns some sexy calves in the off season.

You better believe Santa custom-designs his speed rope with colors like Guardian Green and Rapid Red. Make sure you load the stockings this year with ropes and gift cards from Double Under Wonder!