We spend a lot of time encouraging people to do CrossFit. Unfortunately, some people have missed the boat, and will never know the joy of reaching their genetic potential.
Case and point? Famous historical figures.
I'm not sure why we started wondering which movements our forefathers/foremothers would have been great at, but here are 5 of our favorite pairings...
1. Abraham Lincoln - Wall-Balls
At 6'4" Abraham Lincoln would have absolutely crushed "Karen." 150 wall-balls for time is no picnic for anyone, but it helps when simply standing up with your arms extended overhead has you mighty close to your target.
Plus, Abraham often spoke of wrastlin' folks around his hometown, so he was probably used to high intensity workouts that lasted about 5 minutes.
Abe was born to wall-ball, and his honest reputation has us believing that each squat would have been below parallel, that he'd no-rep himself if he missed his target, and that he'd always report an accurate time.
2. Joan of Arc - Anything with a weighted vest
Medieval armor weighed anywhere between 20-60 lbs depending on how in-depth it was, so I can imagine her absolutely killing any WOD that requires a weighted vest.
Joan spent a couple years with the singular focus of kicking the English out of France, so kicking your butt at CrossFit in a lighter-than-armor vest would likely be a walk in the park. Plus she'd be carrying a sword, so you probably wouldn't argue with her about standards or scores.
3. Thomas Edison - Snatch
Thomas Edison doesn't necessarily have the perfect body type for Olympic Lifting, but when it comes to CrossFit's most technical, and mysterious movement, you can bet Thomas Edison would have spent hours dissecting and analyzing the snatch. You can also bet he would have kept at it until he nailed it.
Thomas Edison was a super-fan of hard work as evidenced by one of his most famous quotes:
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasaed149049.html
If you've got that sort of mindset, you'll eventually conquer the Snatch (and pretty much anything else).
Side note: Thomas Edison also filed for a patent that helped preserve fruits and vegetables through the use of vacuum tubes, so we're pretty sure he would have been all about eating Paleo.
4. Sacajawea - Medicine Ball Carry
You know who's cooler than Lewis and Clark? The lady who did everything they did while either pregnant or carrying a baby.
We're pretty sure she'd be stoked about carrying 14lbs around, having had a few hundred miles of practice and all. :)
Sacajawea also spoke many native languages, and was an interpreter for Lewis and Clark, so she'd probably be really awesome at explaining WODs to people when the whiteboard is all sorts of cryptic and weird.
5. George Washington - Soft Ball Throw
At the 2012 CrossFit Games, Spencer Hendel won the softball throw with a distance of 258' 9" which would have been laughable to good ol' George.
We all remember the story of George Washington throwing a silver dollar over the Potomac, right? Wait, what? The Potomac is a mile wide? And silver dollars didn't exist at the time?
Looks like we've been duped with an early version of embellished WOD results.
Anywho, George was a big guy, and stood 6'2" (same as Spencer Hendel) and myths tend to start from somewhere, so I'm sure it would be pretty awesome to watch the two compete in some sort of throw for distance.
Unfortunately, we'll likely never know how good these historical figures would have been at these movements, but we're crossing our fingers for some advancement in cloning, and a drop-in from this CrossFit dream team someday. If we're REALLY lucky, maybe we could set up a wrastlin' match between ol' Abe Lincoln and The Rock. Never underestimate those tall wiry guys from Illinois.
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P.S. Knowing his affinity for electricity, we're pretty sure Thomas Edison would have chosen lightning bolts for his handles if he were to design one of our custom speed ropes. What will yours look like? Click below to find out :)
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